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What misery that I have stayed in Meshech, that I have lived among the tents of Kedar!

I don’t know if any Psalm more accurately depicts the condition of my heart over recent months. I don’t even know what all people have said about me, but if a fraction of things I’ve heard are indicative, much of it is untrue… and at very best, misunderstood. Many have spoken out of ignorance, simply passing on juicy gossip, yet others have done so with nasty motives. Regardless, I can so relate to the heart of this Psalmist! I have nearly prayed his words specifically. I have longed for peace, only to find others who cannot bring themselves to reconcile. I have longed for peace, but been unable to bring myself to reconcile.

Beth points out that bringing our complaints before the Lord is much more effective than dumping them on other people. When I discuss my hurts with others, more likely than not my description is going to be laced with personal bitterness, blame casting, and condemnation. If not characterized by it, surely it will be tinged with those feelings. How could it not be?

Yet with Christ, I have the freedom to be completely honest… to lay it all out before Him, without fear of poisoning His mind with my sinful attitudes. Besides that, He truly is the only One who can give the comfort I’m so desperately in need of… the love that I feel I’ve been denied by others… the peace I’m craving.

In examining motives, it’s likely that people who say negative things about others are looking to build themselves up. But that works both ways… how much of my complaining about the injustices I’ve suffered has been nothing more than an attempt to make myself look (and feel) better as my insecurity has reared its ugly head. God calls me to be better than this. He calls me to, as my reading from 1 Thessalonians yesterday showed me, a “work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope.” (1 Thessalonians 1:3)

Psalm 120 is the first of the Psalms of Ascent – a journey upward. I’m taking His hand, and stepping up. Pray for me as I seek to be obedient in this. And whatever your struggle, know that I pray for you as well. Feel free to share, or simply leave your name in the comments section so I can add you specifically to the “ALL” I’m praying for. I’d be honored.

Posted by: bellissimanh | January 15, 2012

Praying… for them ALL.

Whew!

Ever have one of those times when the Lord is instructing you in a certain area, and you just can’t get away from it? Yeah… me, too.

My life over the last couple of years has been pretty challenging. It has seen some drastic changes, not the least of which involved shifting from a position of leadership in a thriving local body of believers to being ostracized and cast aside… not just from ministry, but from fellowship altogether. I tell you this not to point fingers of accusation or to garner your sympathy, but rather to explain the circumstances that set me in a position to hear from the Lord on some particular issues. I have been abandoned by those I considered not just friends, but family… and it has left a whole lot of hurt in its wake.

I confess that I have been harboring some bitterness and anger that would make even the wicked witch of the East cringe. But here’s the thing… every now and again I convince myself that I’ve forgiven… that I’m over it… that it doesn’t matter anymore. And then He speaks.

Strangely enough, it started with a conversation I had with an atheist friend of mine the other day. He thought it curious that some atheists seem to be filled with such hatred for Christians. He said it wasn’t logical… why should they care what others believe? He concluded that since hatred is a passionate emotion, on some level they MUST care.

It occurs to me that I keep insisting that the wounds I have suffered don’t sting anymore. That I’ve moved on. That I’m healed. That I don’t care and that they can’t hurt me anymore. And yet, still… these feelings of anger still find expression at times – even if I don’t speak the words aloud.

Yesterday I was meditating on the first chapter of 1 Thessalonians, and convicted by these words:

“We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of our God and Father, knowing, beloved brethren, your election by God.” (v. 2-4, italics mine)

It doesn’t say that Paul gave thanks (always, by the way) for the mature believers, or for the ones who brought him particular joy. No. He always gave thanks for them ALL. The Greek indicates that it means “all, without exception”. Hmmm. Certainly doesn’t describe MY prayer life over the last couple of years. It can only be accomplished through the power of the Spirit, but I have been indwelled by Christ Himself, so I have no excuse for disobedience in this thing. Prayerfully, I have to move forward in this… period.

So He speaks conviction… but that’s not all. Tomorrow I’ll share with you the gentle way He also spoke encouragement and grace to me this afternoon. Stay tuned…

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Posted in Christianity, Faith, Jesus Christ | Tags: 1 thessalonians 1:2-4, atheism, forgiveness, healing, prayer

Posted by: bellissimanh | January 6, 2012

The Bow of Brokenness

Some days I’m a glass half-full kind of girl (ok, not many… I’m working on it), but then there are days that I’m just living out of a place of brokenness. Days when hurts of the past seem to haunt me, and no matter how many times I have vowed to give them to Jesus and be done with it… there they are, in all their ugliness, nearly taunting me with thoughts like, “This will never be behind you…” or “You haven’t really forgiven now, have you?” and the ever popular “Look at all you’ve lost…

U-G-L-Y. But that’s how the enemy is, right?

Have you ever heard just the right word at exactly the right time? Listening to the live stream of Passion 2012 yesterday, this statement by Louie Giglio resonated with me… DEEP.

“Brokenness is the bow from which God launches the arrows of healing.”

Because no matter what satan tries to tell me, this is what GOD says:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

And He does this through Jesus…

“ 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3

Not only that, but He promises to use my brokenness to bring comfort and healing to others…

“ 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Cor. 1:3-4

What if I were to take the lies and half-truths the enemy throws at me and toss back some of THIS? What if I were to take hold of and believe… really believe… that I am a quiver in the bow of My God, and that He has a divine plan to use my junk — my pain, my hurts, my brokenness — and shoot some healing into the life of someone else? Now that would be something, wouldn’t it?

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